Hunger Pains
by sioux343
Summary: Nothing calls to Kim more than Jared, except maybe the occasional snickers, but when she's finally able to settle with herself that he's not going to be the guy for her, the unthinkable happens. All the sudden dreams do exist... and nightmares. Jared/Kim
1. Chapter 1

Just two mini-snickers bars. Just two, I swear, I'll only have two _if _I pluck up enough courage to talk to him today. That'll be my reward. I thought as I swept silently into the classroom. I took a seat in the back as always, right next to my friend Marissa. She greeted me and I tried to focus on the juicy gossip she was spilling that had transpired since lunch, but I just couldn't. My eyes kept flying to the door. I was waiting for him to enter. He had to right? He just had to because he'd already basically used up his absences for the year when he was sick for nearly three and a half weeks all last month. He couldn't miss one more day this semester unless he wanted to repeat sophomore year, which I bet he doesn't want to do. I'd stake my life on that wager.

Marissa didn't take my unenthusiastic self as abnormal because this is basically how I am always, lost for words. It's not so much that I don't have anything to say, it's just I don't want to sound stupid. So I think it's pretty safe territory if I just don't say anything at all and nod instead.

My friend finished whatever the hell she was saying in the first place and tossed her waves of dark behind her shoulder with a scoff. She was ending the conversation probably with an "As if," like she always did. Her trademark phrase. I pursed my lips, and nodded, but I couldn't keep my eyes on her for long they just kept darting back to the entrance of the classroom. I caught a boy eyeing Marissa appreciatively and I just rolled my eyes. I'd long gotten over vying to look like her. There was no point, no point in emulating anyone of my friend's beauty. I could never be as beautiful as they were, but I could perhaps be skinnier. That was a plus right? That's what boys like, slim and pretty girls. So was one out of two good enough?

My mind kept chanting _snickers, snickers, snickers._ My traitorous stomach kept rolling uncomfortably with hunger at those thoughts. My mouth watered and I was very nearly contemplating eating my pencil, because all I'd eaten today were a few carrot and broccoli sticks with a few dots of ranch dip on them. I was watching my weight a little as always, along with the rest of my entire table.

It was sick to think that I was seated at an enviable table. The table that other girls wanted to sit at and all we had to offer was a tiny vegetable tray for all to share. What was I saying? I barely made the cut to sit at the table. The only reason I was there in the first place was because of Gina, who had been my best friend since as far back as I can remember. She was the one the 'it' girls recruited, but she wouldn't come without me. I'm not bad looking if you count scraggly, wispy brown hair and ugly brown eyes slightly appealing.

I shake my head and sigh. I was never going to be good enough for him. Then just as if I'd summoned him from the heavens, my idol appeared. He stepped into the doorway without even bothering to look interested in this class. His lean frame walked with grace across the classroom as his muscular arms held onto the straps of his backpack. He sat down two seats in front of me with a giant huff. I couldn't help but find that adorable. No, not adorable, sexy. Nothing about him was adorable. He was pure, raw man. Every thing about him screamed masculinity. From his wide feet all the way to his cropped glossy hair. The very air about him seemed tainted with an outdoors sort of smell.

And for all these reasons I knew he couldn't be mine. I even saw Marissa give him a good once over. Half my friends were in love with him and the rest of the La Push gang. So that was saying something. I slumped back into my chair defeated about him and disappointed I wouldn't get my snickers. My stomach roared in protest. Too bad.

The teacher walked into the classroom late as usual. I opened my notebook to start taking notes. It wasn't fair that I had to be born the way I was. A bumbling, ok-looking idiot. It just wasn't fair. I bit my cheek hard so I'd stop thinking these stupid things and focus on the academic work at hand, but I couldn't.

I could only think of Jared, the rugged man I was dangerously infatuated with that was located only two seats away from me. That was the only secret I kept close to my heart because if anyone knew about my crush I harbored I'd be teased mercilessly. I tried to picture Jared and I together, but the more I did the more pathetic my dream seemed. Oh well, it's just a dream. If I couldn't even _dream _of him then I didn't see any point in existing.

8888888

Do you know those girl's who are in the popular group, but are just lackeys. The mindless, no-one-knows-there-faces girls that are always flanking the leader, yeah that's me. That is my position. I can proudly say that I am one of those girls who stand behind and pretend like their backing up whatever the lead girl is saying.

Hey, someone has to be that person, right? Well, I'm highly qualified for the job because that's who've I've been my whole life. The backup, the spare, you catch my drift? Not just in my social life, but my home life as well.

"Kim, please tell me that you ate the lunch I packed for you today." Irma, my older sister, asked me as we both hopped into the car at the end of school. I think back to the brown paper bag lunch that she sweetly made for me every morning because she knew the people I hung out with didn't eat much. I think back to how that brown bag had gone into the first trash can I saw when I got to school. I couldn't carry that around with me. I'd be mocked and then scorned because I'd brought other food other than what was supplied and recommended I eat.

"Of course." I told her clearing my throat before buckling myself up. I hated lying to her, but it was for the better, for both of us. She'd swallow my lie and then maybe I'd believe myself eventually.

"Good, I don't make you sandwiches all the time for fun." She breathed in annoyance and flicked her bangs away from her green eyes. I know, totally unfair. I got the shit genes. Everything I lacked, Irma had and everything I had, Irma lacked. It's not a fair trade off either. Irma got curves in her genes which must have skipped me, the height so she wasn't short and fat like I was, the green eyes which sparkled in a way brown eyes can't, the thick, ebony hair that I wished my brown would someday aspire to be, and the perfect round nails. Well, I bite mine, but I still wish mine looked like hers.

Irma drove us to our house slower than normal breaking her previous record. She must really be aggravated because when she was she made a habit to make sure her anger was in check, no road rage, but that didn't mean it wouldn't unleash itself once we were inside the house.

"Oh girls good, you're just in time. I was afraid we were going to be late for Jeff's soccer game! Honey! Their here, everyone pile into the car!" My mother met us at the door as Irma and I made our way into the house to take a much needed rest after school. Yet, we were shuffled out the door by my mom who was searching in her purse for something.

"Oh no. Absolutely not, I am not going! I've had enough. I am eighteen years old and I refuse to subject myself to one more game for him." Irma screeched balling her fists by her sides as she stood her ground. I knew the fury would be unleashed sometime. My mom looked up and blinked.

"Fine." Mom sighed and she looked tired for a moment. "I knew this day would come. In fact, I thought it would happen sooner. You can stay."

Irma looked towards her in shock trying to comprehend what just came out of my mother's mouth. Irma and I had been subjected to our little brother Jeff's soccer games for years. It was a tradition that the entire family would have to come to _every_ single one of his games. So you must understand our disbelief when my mother told Irma she didn't have to come.

My father, a balding man, stepped out the front door followed closely by my twelve year old brother suited up in his red soccer jersey and cleats.

"Irma's not going." My mother told my father nonchalantly as if this wasn't a big deal at all!

"I don't want to go either!" I echoed Irma's sentiments. I'd had enough soccer to last me a lifetime and then some.

"No." My father told me firmly giving me a sweeping look and then, that was that. One never questioned my father's authority, ever. I wilted on the spot and Irma simply shrugged before skipping off to an empty house.

Soccer is a torturous game filled with a lot of running, kicking, and intervals where both teams basically contradict each other. They'd kick the ball back and forth back and forth never achieving anything at all. It was mind-numbingly boring and I could just feel my eye lids begin to close as I propped my head up on my hands as I sat between my two parents in the bleachers.

Jeff's team won like always. I didn't really catch what happened, but I suppose it's like all the other times. Jeff, the star player, made a few goals, had a few good blocks, and played an amazing game. If I'd paid any attention at all I might have been proud of my brother, but I didn't think he needed anymore attention. He already got too much. My parents doted on him hand and foot always. Right now was no exception. They bought him a huge bottle of Gatorade and went to chat with the other player's parents about him sleeping over at one of the other boy's house. It was a Tuesday, a school night. I'd never be allowed this leniency, Irma neither and she's almost a graduate.

I shuffled off to the side like I always did except this time I felt especially lonely. Normally, Irma was here with me to share my torture though most of the time she was chatting on the phone, but still. I missed her; I guess I just had to get use to this because she was going to be at college next year. No matter how much I despised my sister for being everything I wasn't, she was still my sister and she did care for me.

I leaned back against the brick wall of the outhouses. I looked over the corner I was leaned against to see my brother and one of his soccer buddies exiting the bathroom together. Jeff juggled a soccer ball by bouncing it against his knee and then catching it. The brown-haired boy looked on in amazement. I huddled against the side of the building so they wouldn't spot me, but it was unnecessary because they weren't going to look behind them anyway.

"So where was your sister tonight?" Jeff's friend asked him grinning stupidly in a way only little boys with fantasies could.

"She was sitting in the bleachers." Jeff grunted unenthusiastically. His attention was focused on the ball.

"Wha- Oh you mean the girl by your mom and dad is your sister too?" The brown-hair boy asked him uncertainly and I folded my arms over my chest as if they would protect me.

"Yeah."

"No, not her then. I'm talking about the hot one that always comes."

"Irma? Nah, she didn't want to come tonight and really she's way too old for you." Jeff told him in a tone that signaled this was a conversation he wanted to avoid.

"I can dream." Jeff's friend muttered as they walked farther away towards the field.

The lump that rose in my throat hindered my breathing tremendously. I pulled my hand over my mouth to muffle the sobs that were trying to force there way out. I couldn't believe myself. I was getting emotional over a twelve year old's comment, but I couldn't help it. It wasn't that it was mean necessarily; it's just that he ripped open all my insecurities with a few simple words. I was astonished at my reaction, but I'd known all along how Irma was the leader and I was just a follower. It was inevitable for me not to be.

I was Kim, born to be in the shadows for all of my life.

I got home that night and had two mini-snickers. I didn't care about that stupid deal with myself. I deserved them.

**A/N: So, this is my take on Kim/Jared. I wish that I could make it a bit more interesting in this chapter… ah well. Tell me what you think… Continue?**


	2. Chapter 2

I stared at the walls wondering if the house would cave in from the horrible din of music. The vibrations were very nearly shaking the foundations. I knew it wasn't my problem to care, but I couldn't help worrying anyway. Poor Quil's grandparents would come home and find their house in shambles from this party. It was packed to the brim.

I sighed and picked up a red plastic cup filled with beer. A hand flew out and caught my wrist just as I was about to dump the contents into my mouth.

"Do you know how many calories there are in that?" Annelise, my senior friend, told me her eyes widened in a thank-god-I-saved-you way. I shook my head numbly and slowly placed the cup back on the table. "Have you ever heard of a beer gut? Yeah, think about that one." Her heavily lashed eyes simply fluttered up and down in exasperation before she took a tiny sip from her water bottle then placing it on the counter next to her.

She probably did save me about an hour of exercise. Who knows how long it would have taken me to work off all that fat? I tried to mentally calculate my body weight times my calorie intake or something like that, but then I ended up in negative numbers and I forgot to take into account how many calories I needed to get rid of… yeah, math wasn't my strong suit. There weren't many things I was good at.

However, I was good at being a wallflower. Oh, no doubt about that. I stood off to the side as Annelise floated off into the midst of the crowd. She couldn't have been gone for more than five minutes before a boy of medium height and a large build strode up to me. I squinted into the darkness so I could discern his face. Wasn't he in my Algebra class…?

"Oh, you're Quil!" Gina had pointed out the owner of the house on our arrival. I knew of Quil, but I hadn't really put a face to the name until now. It just so happens though that the party thrower was in front of me right now. Hm, that was odd.

"That's right." Quil chuckled good-naturedly. I noticed his buzzed head matched perfectly with his square looking face. His brown eyes sort of floated around in their eye sockets and that's when I knew who was really drinking all the calorie-full beer. I waited patiently for him to speak. I was sort of tongue tied, was he talking to me because he was just intoxicated? "So, can I get you anything to drink?" Quil smiled in a silly way and I wrinkled my nose in a perfect imitation of Marissa. I might have even had the 'As if' down too if I had tried, but I didn't. I let him carry on. "Wait, wait, I think I remember your name…" Quil trailed off and looked at the wall like he could find my name written on it. I tapped my foot patiently, just as I opened my mouth to tell him-

"Kim! That's it, it's Kim!" I nodded at his outburst. "You don't talk much." Wow, he was observant. I shrugged and looked towards the throng of people longingly. I really wished I was in that crowd acting like the life of the party. Like everything revolved around me, but that wasn't my job. That was my friends' job and I was supposed to be a mindless moon revolving around them, the planets. "Listen, I was just wondering about your friend…" I turned my head sharply towards Quil's direction and that's when I knew this conversation wasn't for my own purposes. He had ulterior motives. "Annelise, is she single?"

"No, she isn't." I remembered her buff senior boyfriend and thought… well if anyone could take him, Quil could or Jared maybe. My breath hitched a little as I thought about him. I tried terribly to hide my blush from Quil, but I think he saw.

"Oh, he's good looking then?" Quil's tone soured. He must have mistaken my blush for liking Annelise's stupid boy toy, Will. He was cute and all, but he wasn't Jared. He couldn't make my blood boil over into my cheeks like just the _thought_ of Jared could. Ugh, why am I such a moron?

"He's alright." I murmured and Quil had to lean in close to hear me. I wanted to tilt back desperately, but that might be rude. My lips practically were touching his ear as I repeated my previous statement to him. That's when the topic of conversation showed up looking a little disheveled. She must have tried to get through the room packed with people because her face was flushed and her hair looked wild.

"Annelise!" I practically shouted jumping back from Quil like I'd wanted to do a minute before. Annelise looked from me and then towards Quil quizzically.

"Are you two-?" She motioned between us and I shook my head frantically with wide eyes. Quil found his voice before me.

"Oh no! Hell no!" Ok, ouch that one hurt. "Kim and I were just talking…about you actually." Quil's mouth quirked up in a sort of arrogant smirk as Annelise's eyes narrowed into smug little slits.

"He really was," I confirmed when she look towards me and only then did she let her hands slide up Quil's chest. My mouth opened slightly as I saw her lean up to breathe whatever sweet little command she wanted Quil to perform in his ear. Annelise had Will, though. She had Will!

"I'll catch you later Kim." Quil said waving behind him without even looking as Annelise forced him towards a dark hallway. I was still in shock before someone jostled me. I shook my head just to make sure all my senses were still working and I was still seeing what I thought I was seeing.

I didn't know how long I sat there and stared at nothing, waiting for Gina and her boyfriend Reilly to come back to me so we could go. I really loathed these parties, but it was expected I made an appearance. I never had any fun.

Suddenly, a body was hurled at the front door and a girl's scream pierced through the slow beat of the music. I jumped up from my chair and ran towards the source of the commotion. Many other party-goers had the same idea as me. A huge ring of people formed around the scene outside on the lawn. I squeezed in easily through two boys in my grade to see Quil sporting a swollen lip and a fuming Will. Annelise was cowering next to Will's feet, her hand over her mouth. Her eyes spilled everything that had happened. She was guilty and Will had caught her, with Quil.

Two other boys, both quite tall, shoved through the crowd to flank Quils' fallen form. I recognized them as Jacob Black and Embry Call. They helped him up and squared off to face Will. Even though the two friends were taller than the senior football player, Will definitely had them in the muscle department.

Will nodded and like they'd heard his plea, two boys instantly appeared by his side with their arms flexing over their chests as they cracked their knuckles.

"Not smart kid. I don't like my property being taken from me." Will hissed venomously. Annelise whimpered slightly and I slid noiselessly to crouch down by her. When her gaze found me she wrapped her arms around my neck in a tight hug. She hid her wet face in my shoulder. I watched everything unfold for her instead.

"What's going on here?" A deep voice echoed off the empty night sky, just as Will took his first menacing step in Quil's direction. The ring of people separated to my left and that's when my heart accelerated like a race horse vying for first place in the Kentucky Derby.

Two boys entered into the ring.

Jared stood looking sort of aloof, yet intimidating, next to Sam Uley. Another boy walked up behind the duo and Sam shot him a warning look. The boy stopped and the half of his face I 

could see looked weary and annoyed. Oh, that was Paul! Whoa, he looked nothing like he had the week before last! He looked…older, more mature. Like he'd aged with a landslide of wisdom…much like Jared had looked when he came back from being ill. I cocked my head to the side and tried to catch a glimpse of Paul once more. I couldn't, but I was almost positive he didn't look sick and he was supposed to have mono. That's why he'd been out all week.

"This doesn't involve you, Sam or the La Push gang." Jacob Black muttered furiously from the right side of Quil. All three boys in Quil's group looked spitting mad, but Will's group looked a little relieved.

"Sam," Will greeted him with a nod and then his eyes swiveled over to Quil. "We were just going to show these three punks the punishment for stealing your girl."

"Not now Will. I can't have any fights on my watch." Sam told him steadily. Annelise's grip loosened tenfold. She even peeked her head up a bit from the corner of my shoulder. That's when Marissa walked over to us. She relieved me and shooed me away once I wasn't needed anymore for comfort. I didn't even think to protest. I walked lamely a few steps over trying to look for anything that needed my attention so I could occupy my mind and not have to start drooling over Jared.

"You better have a serious chat with them then." Will jerked his head towards the three boys that were now about an arm's length away from me. I cowered back pressing myself into the crowd of people, but I caught a glimpse of Jared anyway.

His face looked mildly interested in everything happening around him, but only mildly. I loved and hated that about him. Why was he so disinterested in everything? Did he even care about the world around him? Did he ever notice anything? It almost made my half hearted dreams more unrealistic. If he didn't even notice the scenery, then he sure as hell wasn't going to notice me. I was the scenery, no, I was even worse than that. I was the backdrop.

"Party's over. You three, come here," Sam demanded and pointed to the spot next to him. I saw the corners of Jared's lips twitch a little like he was holding back a laugh. My heart nearly did a back flip. Oh, how I wish he would smile. I'd only ever seen him smile three times and I recorded those times so carefully. Once when he got a good grade back that I'd seen him study for relentlessly, once when he saw a senior help up a freshman another kid had knocked over, and once when they served his favorite food for lunch, macaroni and cheese.

Ok, I was a stalker.

I couldn't help myself though!

Jacob sneered, Embry Call rolled his eyes in exaggeration, and Quil stared at them in defiance. "No," they all cried in unison.

"I'm not here to discipline you-"

"Leave us alone, Sam." Jacob replied coldly.

"Don't pretend like we can't see you back there hiding Paul!" Embry shouted angrily standing on his tip-toes to get a better look at the boy skulking in the shadows.

"This doesn't involve you." Quil murmured as his eyes flitted towards Annelise in Will's arms.

"This involves the town, so it does involve me." Sam told them coldly. His steady attitude was diminishing slowly. Jared, however, only shifted his weight from foot to foot as if he was impatient for this conversation to end. It was about this time that I noticed the crowd was starting to disperse. A lot of people actually listened to Sam Uley for whatever reason and I'd be wise to as well, but I was rooted to the spot. I couldn't move my feet if my life depended on it.

"You aren't our keeper. Who died and put you in charge?" Embry asked haughtily and I suppressed a groan. Sam's face spasmed momentarily before he settled on a set look of ice.

"That's just it, no one died. No one died like you are supposed to in life."

"What's that suppose to mean?" Quil commented back in annoyance.

"Drop it, all of you. Let's just go home. I'm tired anyway," Jared compromised for everyone stepping forward to block Sam's body with his own. Sam looked like he was ready to charge down and tackle all three sophomores at the same time.

Sam gave a derisive sort of snarl before huffing off. Jared paused for a moment to give everyone a twitch of his shoulders before following his leader.

"Jared," I whispered longingly, involuntarily, as his long strides let him disappear from my sight.

"Jared?" Quil scoffed with a look of incredulity. I gasped slightly and took a step back trying to sink into the shadows as I so often do. Except this time I couldn't escape.

Quil had heard me. Jacob and Embry were talking to each other quietly. Whew, good thing they hadn't. I don't think I could have lived that one down too. "You like Jared?"

I didn't say anything. I moved my lips wordlessly trying and failing to command my vocal cords to work.

"That is priceless." He chuckled moving towards me and I jumped up to slap my hand over his mouth.

"Shut up!" I whisper/screamed, but I could still make out the laugh lines on Quil's face. "You can't say anything! I helped you with Annelise!"

"Yeah, that did me a lot of good." Quil shook himself away from my small hand easily.

"You can't, you have to promise." He appraised me skeptically at my words.

"Why don't you just tell him?" He told me seriously, not letting any humor seep into his voice this time.

"Um, it's Jared Neema…"

"Your point?" He snapped and took a quick glance to make sure his other two friends were still occupied. "He's just a guy."

"It's not like that." I moaned and turned to walk away. Why in the world was I talking to Quil Ateara of all people about my boy problems? I should be talking to my friends, but no instead I was talking to a person who had no concept of relationships. He'd just ruined one, in fact.

"Enlighten me." Quil motioned grandly, following behind me closely towards the front door. I flipped around and stared at him straight in the eyes.

"He's _the_ guy. He's like beyond amazing. He likes the simple things, he looks beyond the surface, do you know what I mean? He's deeper than what he seems." I explained my tongue felt heavy in my mouth. I wished I would just shut up.

"If that's true then you shouldn't be afraid to talk to him. You did say he looks beyond the surface, right?" Quil snorted and motioned towards me.

My eyes burned with tears as his laughs subsided once he got a hold of himself. Yeah, he had himself a good five-minute chuckle. "I'm sorry that was uncalled for." He tried to amend.

"Kim? Oh, there you are! You ready to go?" Gina asked handing me my jacket from one of the bedrooms I'd put it in. She walked up to me as Reilly walked up behind her to hold her by the waist. She giggled embarrassed.

I nodded without looking at her. I kept my gaze on Quil's repentant eyes. "Yeah I'm ready and no, you're right. Why would he look past _this_?" I pointed to my face before stomping 

off to the car. Quil was calling me back as I left, but I didn't care. He was right and I hated him for it.

I ate my entire stash of snickers that night. I felt violently ill because going from an empty stomach, to a stomach full of trash wasn't a good idea. The nausea was terrible. I laid on the U-bend of the toilet for maybe an hour before I decided to just make myself throw up.

When I was done I brushed my teeth and tried to clean up my waxy appearance. All of the sudden I didn't feel quite so much like a pig anymore. I felt…skinny and satisfied for once in all my time dieting. I look towards the empty bag of snickers and then to the toilet, realizing just what I'd have to start doing.

** A/N: Thanks to all my reviewers! I really do like this fic, and would love to continue it! Tell me what you think! Kim can't have Jared just yet!**


	3. Chapter 3

"Kim, you _need_ a date."

I shook my head a little for my dreams, involving Jared quite a bit, to shatter in front of my dazed eyes to find the source of the talking. It was Gina. Her earnest face stared back at me as she leaned forward to stare at me with her always probing eyes.

"I'm fine." I answered as if never having a boyfriend didn't bother me. It did bother me. A lot, in fact. Maybe, if I sat at any other table other than the one I was at I might have had one or two in the few short years since I'd hit puberty, but no I sat at the table where nearly every good looking girl in the school was located, no matter what age group. I say nearly because there were a few exceptions to the rules, my sister for example didn't sit with me; she sat on the far side of the cafeteria, which I was pretty happy about. Not only would it have been weird to sit with her, but it also meant she couldn't keep tabs on what I was doing. It was bad enough she was already suspicious about my eating habits.

"Yes, you do." Gina persisted as the end strands of her fake caramel hair danced along the table top as she shook her head. This had been an argument of ours for a while, but I wasn't willing to go on a blind date. That was the epitome of bad. Blind dates never turned out well. "Well, you don't have a say-so in this matter any more. I've already picked someone."

I looked towards my best friend sharply as she said these words. Did she know about….him? No, no she couldn't, could she? Did Quil say anything? No, he told me in the hallway this morning how that secret was safe. I wanted to believe him, but evidence was leading to the contrary.

Gina's smile warmed at my startled response. "Don't worry he's from the Makah reservation." I let out a deep breathe that I hadn't known I'd been holding. No, it wasn't Jared. Suddenly, unhappiness became the predominant emotion on my face. "Now, before you make any judgments, because I know you are, I've done the background check. He's a good guy, not to mention cute! Reilly's told me all about him and I even met him. I really have a good feeling about this. It's a double date anyway; Reilly and I will be there." Gina chided gently at me. I realized then that the entire table was tuning into our conversation. Hell, why not? It's not like they had anything to occupy them, there wasn't any food on our table. The tiny bowl full of salad was gone within minutes at the start of lunch.

Everyone's eyes were turned towards me with certainty at Gina's words. They were burning into my face, making me blush furiously. I don't know if she planned it this way, but I couldn't say no if the majority was cheering yes. I didn't want this date; I couldn't like anyone as much as I liked Jared. I couldn't, but I couldn't waste my days away waiting for him to just one day up and notice me and fall in love with me in just one glance. Yeah, it was near impossible. Scratch that, it _was_ impossible.

"What time?" I breathed out in defeat. Gina's eyes gleamed with happiness.

All week I waited for a miracle. Anything that would get me out of this date with 'Tanner'. That was his name, my blind date. Everyday in my favorite class, English, I tried to catch Jared's eye. I just wanted him to see me. Just to know that I was present, that I freaking existed. To no avail, Jared not only didn't look at me, but he didn't really look at anyone. It was like he sort of drifted around looking lost. I wanted to comfort him, to take him in my arms and tell him I was here if he ever needed me, whenever. That was silly though. Neither in this lifetime, nor the next would I be holding Jared Neema.

He was just too beautiful. Marissa's eyes turned in his direction when he entered the room and a surge of jealousy clawed at my stomach. My brain was screaming _mine, mine, mine!_ I could only grind my teeth with frustration as I tried to look away from Marissa's statuesque face. Through all this turmoil I tried to keep my own face complacent. He was free game. If Marissa wanted him, then she could have him, and no doubt she would. I sighed as the final bell sounded for the week. My date was still on.

Gina got me dressed like I already knew she would. I didn't fight it as she tried to make my tiny brown eyes match the width of my overly prominent cheek bones. It was a feat in itself that my hair looked a tad thicker than before Gina put some sort of mousse in it so I was sort of happy about that. My wispy bangs looked presentable as I walked out of the house in a short casual dress.

Gina drove us to the small restaurant in town where most dates were held for the few teenagers that resided in La Push.

The first thing I thought when Tanner walked through the door was that he _was_ cute. He wasn't anything like Jared though. Then I mentally slapped myself for thinking such stupid thoughts, but it was true. Tanner was of medium build, yet he seemed so awkward when he slid next to me on my side of the booth. Jared was so sure of himself not only with his popularity in school, but in his every movement even with his tall frame. Reilly, Gina's boyfriend, winked at Tanner before turning smoothly to his girlfriend to place a kiss on her lips.

"Kim this is Tanner, Tanner this Kim." Gina motioned to us from across the table and I smiled timidly back at Tanner. He seemed like a good guy. His black hair has definite volume in it I thought, so if we did end up together there was hope that our kid's wouldn't suffer like I have with nothing but a few strands of hair to work with.

"So…" Tanner drummed his fingers nervously against the table before lowering his voice conspiratorially and coming a little bit to close to my face for comfort. "How did you get roped into coming to this?"

I laughed at that as his easy smile cut my shyness in half and piece by piece I began to feel my muscles loosen. It wasn't done intentionally and I didn't even notice that I was actually talking a little until I saw Gina smiling wickedly at me. I didn't like the sparkle that was crackling against the backdrop of her golden eyes. I could almost smell the plan that she was plotting.

Tanner and I sort of just got to know each other, but he seemed interesting. He played soccer, I told him my brother did, he said he liked to watch wrestling, I suppose if guys in tights are your thing then do what you want, and that he loved Italian food, me too. So we did get along pretty well, much better than the catastrophe I thought this date would be. Not only that, but Tanner was interested in me. He wasn't just trying to talk to me to get to introduce him to one of my other friends like so many boys have done in the past._ Just_ _Me_.

"Well?" Gina asked me as we exited the restaurant walking behind the boys. I grinned shyly and shrugged. I didn't want to give her an outright answer, mostly because I wasn't even sure myself what I thought of Tanner. I didn't know what to make of him. My heart yearned for someone else, but it was never going to happen. I would just have to settle. There wasn't ever really a question that I wouldn't, but it still hurt all the same when that realization became my reality.

Tanner was sweet. I didn't have any expectations after our little date because it's not like I'd have any experience of what's supposed to happen, but he did call me. At first I was so surprised when I picked up the phone and heard the voice of a _male_. I tried to recover myself quickly, but I was giddy for the rest of the phone call because I, Kim, have a semi-boyfriend. He asked me out for another date. Alone. Not with Reilly and Gina.

Gina kept telling me she 'knew it all along'. She said Tanner thought I was 'pretty' and 'nice' and those were direct quotes.

At lunch that day I was the one talking. I finally had some common ground with the rest of my friends and I loved it. I told them of my double date with Tanner. Gina let me have my moment of fun and didn't interrupt. Everyone even oohed and ahhed at the right points. All ears were for me, all eyes were turned in my direction, I was the head of the table, but just for five minutes. Then the crown was passed on and I slipped in the background once more. It still felt wonderful. Having a boyfriend was fantastic, even if I wasn't madly in love with him.

In English I actually listened to what Marissa was saying, something about these two seniors in a fight who were yelling at each other all during lunch. It was a very confusing story _why_ they were fighting. It involved a lot of people and places, but I did my best to keep up. I'm pretty sure I was annoying her though because I kept asking 'What?' I don't know why I even bothered. I guess I was still riding the high wave from lunch, but that was fine. I felt like I was on top of the world and then just as suddenly as I shot up, I plummeted without anyone to catch me.

Jared entered the room.

Maybe I thought things would be different because I'd now officially gone on a date. Maybe I thought that Jared would waltz over to me, get down on his knees, and beg me to go out with him instead. Maybe I thought he would at least give me an appreciative glance. It didn't happen. My heart fell to the bottom of my chest and shattered. I felt like the shards of my heart were lodged in my lungs constricting my breathing. Like my chest was swollen and I could feel the tears pricking at the corners of my eyes.

Why was I acting like this? Like a child! I was about to throw a temper tantrum just because one boy didn't like me. It didn't matter if he was the boy of my dreams, the boy that I was head-over-heels in love with. I might as well have been a wall to him. A blank, stupid, white wall that just happened to be placed around him.

I hated him. I hated Jared Neema. That was the only thing I could think of at that moment. I felt the blind hatred pulse through me. Even Marissa gave me a weird look.

When I got home I went through every one of my notebooks and ripped out every page that I had written his name on irregardless if the notes on the page were important or not. I sobbed hysterically for myself. Just this once I would care that I wasn't someone great. Someone worthy to date Jared, just this once so I could get it all out and never think about it again. Hours later after my eyes were too puffy to even open I slept and for the first time in months I didn't dream of him.

Jared was a hard person to ignore, especially if you were use to always looking for him just to catch a glimpse of his face in the hallway and especially because he was physically massive. All week I kept my eyes down in class, not that it would have mattered because he never looked over to me anyway.

Friday came and I got ready for my date with Tanner. I still felt ridiculously awkward when he came to pick me up from my house. Firstly, because my sister was trying to peer under the stair railing to see what he looked like and secondly, because I didn't have the reassurance of Gina with me. I could barely keep the words from stuttering out of my mouth as Tanner grabbed my hand. He didn't have _that _kind of effect on me; it was just because he was another human being. Everyone makes me nervous. Even just thinking about the entire universe and its population would make me hyperventilate.

The date itself wasn't memorable. We just ate and walked around the park a little. The best part though, the reason that this was one of the best days of my life, was because he kissed me. Not even a wimpy little kiss either. A full blown, tongue action kiss. It wasn't exactly what I was expecting… but it was still a kiss. My first kiss. I hadn't even anticipated it. He'd walked me to my door and I turned around to go inside, but instead he grabbed my hand and whipped me around. I was startled for a moment and then his lips were on mine. His breath was mine. His tongue was entangled with mine. It almost seemed like he was invading my mouth without my permission, but I quickly dismissed that thought. This was how it was done. I'd heard about it a million times from everyone else. This was what you did on dates with your boyfriends…right?

I tentatively put my hand in his hair. Just that little movement set him off and he pushed his body against mine. When he let me go I was trembling, but not from his kissing expertise. I didn't know why, but I was frightened. I was so scared, I felt like it was all moving so fast. God, what is wrong with me? This was what was supposed to happen!

So that was that. It was my first kiss, with my first boyfriend, on my first real date. I didn't think my life could change anymore than it had, but then it did.


	4. Chapter 4

_Dear Kim, _

_I know that today's probably a hard day for you. A math quiz-yikes! - and a vocabulary test! I certainly don't envy you, but I just want to let you know that after school you can always come home to me-_

My note from Tanner was ripped soundly out my hand in homeroom. I barely had time to lift my eyes to see the culprit, but there was no mistaking that _stupid_ buzz cut on the back of his _stupid_ head.

I leapt out of my desk tripping and catching myself on the corner of my neighbors' chair. I sprinted to Quil's desk, but he held the paper teasingly over my head.

"What's Kim got here?" He laughed at me hopping up and down as he kept pulling it just out of my grasp.

"Give that back!" I growled pushing him hard in his chest, but he didn't budge. Everyone in the homeroom was cracking up at my embarrassment. More than anything I hoped the teacher would get here soon. That's not something I wish for everyday either.

"Oh, is this from your _boyfriend?_" I saw him glance at the note for a minute. "What does it say…_I miss you, Kim! I can't wait for this weekend so we can be together again. Love, Tanner_?" The name came out as a sort of question and he hesitated leaving me free to finally pull the note from his huge hands. "Tanner?" he said idiotically again as I marched in a huff towards my desk.

"Aw, Kim that was so sweet." One girl whispered to me comfortingly and I frowned in mortification or was that from Quil's reading still? I had no idea, but I was burning up with fury. _How dare he?_

I was even recently considering letting him off the hook in all my post-date happiness, but now? Oh he can forget about it. I hope he chokes on an extremely hard bread roll from the cafeteria. That seems a fitting punishment.

I was nearly shaking with rage through morning announcements and I pushed passed everyone else when the bell rang in a bout of aggression that I didn't know I had. I threw the rest of my books in my locker and slammed it shut. Quil's face was on the other side.

"What about Jared?" He asked me quizzically as I turned away from him. I nearly leapt out of my skin as that name rolled off his tongue. I grabbed Quil's hand and dragged him into the nearest door I could find, which happened to be a utility closet.

"Shut your mouth!" I hissed and had to ball my fists together so I wouldn't slap him. What was wrong with me? Why was I feeling this way? I'd locked that part of me away. Jared was my past and Tanner was my future. I'd settled.

"No you have to tell me." Quil puffed out his lips to beg and I just gave him this silly look. Did he really think that would work on me?

"Uh, I think not."

"Kim," he moaned pitifully and got down on his knees. I'm not joking. What was up? I had a boyfriend, finally gotten over my long time crush, and now I had a boy, who was relatively popular, on his knees in a broom closet…alone. This had been an odd couple of weeks.

"Are you dumb or do you have short-term memory loss? You embarrassed me in front of our entire homeroom." I forced out viciously, but Quil didn't look scared, just alarmed.

"Kim, you know I only did that to help you."

"_Please enlighten me_."

"I thought Jared wrote you that note! I swear! When I grabbed it I wanted to show everyone that you'd gotten him. Weren't you the one who said he 'saw beneath the surface' or 

some shit like that?" Quil asked me desperately and I just stared out him as he rose to his feet. How in the hell had he come to that logic? That was such… boy logic! It was so stupid!

"All that really went through your mind?" I stated back numbly to him and Quil smiled, nodding emphatically. "You have no common sense, you know that right?"

"I suppose,"

"I pity the girl you marry."

"Whoa, I wouldn't go that far. I'm not sure I'll be getting married at all." Quil chuckled humorlessly and a far off look came into his eyes. He seemed to come around a moment later though. "So am I forgiven?"

"Quil, I'm not sure if that was even an apology." I told him truthfully.

"Great!" Quil said obliviously and hugged me tight pulling me up off my feet. Of course the door would open though, right? Of course the janitor would want to put his mop away at that moment, right? The coincidences almost killed me.

"Well, well, look what we have here, young lovers." The janitor, Mr. Welsh, grinned evilly back at us and I didn't have to even stick my finger down my throat to trigger my gag reflex. I tried to swallow back the vomit. My heart sped up unnecessarily fast as I could literally hear my breathing in my own ears. I felt a little dizzy and I'm not sure this was entirely from the janitor's unexpected surprise.

Well, that's how Quil and I ended up outside the principal's office.

"I can't believe this." I whispered to him angrily, but Quil just chuckled and put his hands behind his head.

"Relax, I my Uncle's the principle. We'll totally get out of this." Quil was completely unruffled. "Tell me about Tanner." He prompted.

I sighed at him. He really was incorrigible, but charming at the same time, unbelievably so. I wanted to answer the question and strangle him all at once.

"Tanner's nice."

"That's descriptive." Quil snorted and I looked sideways at his profile. His dark eyes were wide with amusement and I suddenly felt so self-conscious under his gaze. It wasn't that I was attracted to Quil in any way, but he was a good looking guy and I wished I hadn't eaten those few pieces of cantaloupe this morning. My stomach looked way too big in this shirt.

"Tanner is my boyfriend and…I like him." I finally managed to squeak out without meeting his gaze. I tried to suck in my breath to make me seem a little bit slimmer.

"Can he see beyond as well?" Quil pretended like he was a psychic foretelling the future. I glared at him, but it didn't throw him off. "Well, does he?"

"I-I'm not sure." I confessed and furrowed my eyebrows picking my red nail polish off my fingers hastily. It was a nasty nervous habit. Quil must have seen or heard for that matter because I was being loud how I fooled with my fingernails so he didn't say anything for quite some time.

"He's no Jared, eh?" Quil finally guessed through the silence. I hated this ignorant boy for being so ridiculously right. I wanted to do anything except face him, but I had to look up and meet those pitying eyes.

"No, but he's mine." I said seriously and at that Quil smiled sadly.

We sat there and waited for what felt like hours when the secretary finally walked into the room to tell us the principle wasn't in his office. He was down in the cafeteria because they'd had a food emergency. Quil inhaled loudly at those words, but the secretary pretended like she didn't hear anything. She must deal with him a lot. So she directed us down to the kitchens.

"Quil," The principal sighed and for the first time I noticed that the principle did resemble Quil a little. "What happened this time?"

"Complete misunderstanding." Quil told him confidently.

"It always is, isn't it?" The principal had been talking to the cafeteria staff when we'd entered and he didn't look too pleased to see Quil strutting, _yes strutting_, into the back section of the kitchen. Mr. Warner, the principal, looked aggravated and tired. He didn't need an annoying nephew to bother him when he looked like he already had a lot on his mind.

Mr. Warner seized Quil by the shoulders and demanded him to explain. Fortunately, my good luck prevailed, and Mr. Welsh just happened to be passing by at that moment and took the liberty to explain about our predicament himself.

"You were in a broom closet with a _girl?_" Quil, you've got to stop-"

"It wasn't like that. We were talking, right Kim?" That's when Mr. Warner finally noticed my presence.

"Kim Major? Quil must you corrupt every girl in school?" Now, I don't think it really registered that the principal was yelling. I mean, yeah he was angry, but did he need to be so loud? Clearly, though, he thought that screaming would get the message across to Quil. "I cannot have you in a closet alone with Kim Major! Quil can you just control yourself a little bit? Ah what am I going to do with you?"

"Pardon me, sir, but they could help the kitchen staff this week. We are short handed since Paula quit." A hefty woman advised the principal. I couldn't keep my eyes of her huge mole on the side of her nose. I think Quil's gaze was there as well because his wide eyes were not from the woman's face either or maybe he was just frightened.

No, it was definitely the mole.

Quil and I were strapped into hairnets, aprons, and plastic gloves faster than you could say 'unfair'. I couldn't even process the fact that I was going to be plopping gross crap onto other's plates. That was just disgusting. Not to mention the fact that half the student body would see me looking like a ridiculous serving girl. I didn't think things could possibly get any worse, but of course I was wrong.

Quil and I walked outside and that's when I realized the student body was already lined up to receive their lunches. They stared at the two of us knowingly and that's when Quil whispered to me what I already knew. "They _heard_ everything."

I moaned a little as the first person grinned with unmitigated knowledge and pushed their plate forward so I could give him a scoop full of mashed potatoes.

I hated Quil Ateara with a fiery passion. He was having entirely too much fun with this. We were only five minutes into lunch duty and already I'd had enough of this boy. Not only was he getting _high fived_ for his crime, but he was also_ loving_ his punishment.

"Order up!" He yelled as I clutched my hands over my ears smearing potato remnants in my hair, unknowingly.

"Quil, you don't have to do that. You just serve them." I told him through gritted teeth and he just smiled goofily.

"I know, but I've always wanted to work in a kitchen."

"Well, that makes one of us."

"Kim, duck." Quil said quickly out of the side of his mouth and I looked at him.

"Oh like I'm listenin-"

I was cut off as a hand flew out to push me under the counter and keep me there. I struggled to release myself from his hold on the top of my head until I heard…

"Jared," Quil greeted him coolly and my heart nearly leapt out of my chest. Did I say I hated Quil? I loved him! I adored the boy!

"Ateara," I could just picture Jared nodding back to him with unconcerned face. "Nice hair net." Jared said smoothly.

"Nice _haircut_. Too good to have long hair like the rest of us? I suppose now that you're with the _La Push gang_ you want to be different though." Quil mocked thoughtfully and I suppressed a groan smacking my hand over my face. I pinched Quil's leg quickly and he stomped on my fingers for it.

"Don't let your sadness about not being inducted in the gang affect your serving ability. Well, this lunch was worth a 1.25, I got dinner and a show. A comedy show. Have a nice day." Jared replied stonily. I stuffed my fist in my mouth to stop the chuckles that overtook my body.

I stared up at Quil who was looking down at me annoyed. "He's not funny. I don't know _what_ you see in that guy."

"He just verbally kicked your ass, that's the only reason you think so."

"That's not true, but I'll tell you what. I just saved _your_ ass so you owe me." Quil brandished his scooper much to over the top for a cute girl and that earned him a giggle from her. I shook my head.

"More like we're even now."

"I guess that's about right."

"About right? Hello, I'm serving lunch, in a ridiculous outfit, have been found in a closet with you, and I have food in my hair!" I screeched as I noticed a piece of white out of the corner of my eye clinging to my wispy strands, but Quil only chuckled. It was infuriating. It was like nothing embarrassed this kid.

"Now just think what Jared would have thought if he'd seen you like that. You'll have your answer. So maybe you do owe me." Quil dumped green beans on a junior girl's plate and then threw her a kiss. I pretended to gag by halfway sticking my finger down my throat. Quil rolled his eyes and I had to steady myself on the counter.

Even though I was just pretending to gag at his actions, I'd actually accidently almost triggered my gag reflex _again_. Suddenly I didn't feel so well. My stomach was starting a war against itself. Half of it wanted to eat because I was starving, but the other half wanted me to run from the room to the nearest toilet so it could turn inside out. The latter part won out and I ran from the room as Quil yelled after me.

I made it just in time to the toilet only to start dry heaving. I hadn't eaten since yesterday morning so it's not like I had anything in my system to throw up. I collapsed completely exhausted on the U-bend for a minute before gathering strength from an unknown source in my body to go back to the kitchens.

"What the hell was that?" Quil asked alarmed when he saw me trudging wearily back towards the counter.

"I think this foods getting to me." I lied easily and he swallowed it.

"Yeah I understand. Listen I'll finish up for today and you can go sit down. You look really pale." Quil told me truthfully. I just nodded. I didn't even want to argue with him so I did as he told me too.

That night in the full length mirror against the back of my bedroom door I lifted my shirt for the first time to see my body profile. I felt like a thousand pounds. Sure, maybe I was a little bit slim now, but I had room for improvement. I sucked in and my ribs poked out, as my skin wrapped around them. That's what I wanted to look like.

I ripped my shirt off and stared at the size on the tag that read _small_. That wasn't good enough for me and it sure as hell wasn't good enough for Jared. Wait a minute, I don't care about him! I kept trying to remember that, but somehow it slipped my mind. I was with Tanner now and he was the one that mattered.

He'd even brought me flowers after I told him about the rough day I'd had. Tanner was so sweet he even kissed me again and I couldn't for the life of me believe how lucky I was to have him. So why was I still thinking about Jared?

**A/N: So a few of you asked me who was a wolf and who wasn't. If you haven't figured it out Jake, Embry, and Quil are all still normal. Only Jared, Paul, and Sam are wolves right now. I hope that clears a few things up and don't worry the relationship will start soon, but hey, I have to establish Kim's flaws and problems first. Ha, I hope you like Quil a few of you also already guessed he and Kim would be friends. Thanks for all the reviews! I would really love some more….**


	5. Chapter 5

It was Tuesday of the next week

It was Tuesday of the next week. Nothing really monumental happens on Tuesdays and it even felt like any other day before. Lunch chatter was recycled from Monday's lunch time, just about what happened during the weekend. It didn't hold my interest. The thing that did, however, was the cracker left on the tray in front of me. I wanted it so badly, but I didn't want to seem like the pig who took the last one. So I just sat there and watched it, hoping it would maybe dance across the table to my plate. It didn't actually and Julie, a new girl, was the one who ended up eating it.

With my stomach growling loudly I walked to a water fountain to try and quench my hunger with water at the end of lunch. Not only did my body not really go for that one, but I also got the books I was holding in my arms wet. I trudged to the classroom with my eyes down. I wasn't in a very good mood. I was just about turn into the doorway of English when suddenly out of no where a body appeared, a huge body! It knocked me out the way and I stumbled back to fall on my butt. My books flew everywhere. Papers were knocked from their neat stacks inside my binders to cover the floor.

I was startled for a moment until a hand appeared in my line of vision to help me up.

"I'm so sorry, that was my fault. I didn't see where I was going." Came the deep rumble of the only voice that could pick up the pieces of my broken heart and mend them. I lifted my head up sharply so I could see the face that I already knew went with the voice. His dark eyes locked with mine and I thought the gasp came from my mouth, but it must have been from his because he took two steps back before holding onto the wall for support.

I cocked my head to the side to see him rubbing a hand to his muscled chest furiously; his eyes still hadn't left my fallen form.

"Are you ok? Are you hurt? Do you need the nurse?" Jared asked frantically rushing over to me the moment he recovered. It was way to fast for me to catch up and my eyes spun around in my head as I felt his hands come around my waist and lift me gently to my feet. "Come on I'll get you some ice." He grabbed my hand and I nearly jerked it back in surprise. It was so hot! What the hell had he been doing? Rubbing his hands together for three hours straight to create some kind of friction?

Ok and why was I thinking about that at a time like this? I was holding his hand! Jared was holding my hand and pulling me away. Wait a minute…

"Class-" I began, but Jared just kept yanking me forward so I snapped my mouth shut. We almost ran to the kitchen and I pointed out where the ice machine was on the far side because hell, I'd been in the kitchen for nearly a whole week serving food.

Jared packed up a small bag of the little square cubes and froze as he tried to figure out exactly where to put it. "Um, is anywhere…hurting?"

"I tried to tell you." I said softly. My cheeks were burning as his eyes roamed over my body. "I'm fine,"

"Oh, well er, my name's Jared." My breathing hitched a little at the insult. We'd been going to the same small high school for two years and he'd sat in countless amounts of classes with me. How could he think that I wouldn't know his name? There was a pause and that's when it finally clicked for me. He'd introduced himself because he didn't know _my_ name. He thought I would reciprocate the introduction. I didn't.

I finally looked up, literally I tilted my head, and even though he was beautiful I was still in slight disbelief. Sure, he was my love and I should overlook everything and anything because he's finally talking to me, but I was so hurt. My heart betrayed me. Jared _obviously_ didn't see beyond like I thought.

It was in those few seconds that I realized I didn't have to take this. Sure, I was in the background, but goddamnit I was still in the popular group at this school. He should at least know my freaking name. It wasn't even a weird name, it was Kim. An average everyday name.

"What's my name?" I asked him flatly, deliberately and what happened shocked me. This was the only time in the history of ever knowing Jared that he lost his composure. Normally he was just so laid back and untroubled, but now he looked like he was panicking.

"Ah…um, wait!" He yelled after me as I scoffed and turned away in a blinding rage. _This_ was the reason that I'd chosen to forget him. _This_ was the reason I'd cried countless hours over him. It was because he couldn't even take the time to know my name. It was like I wasn't even a person to him. I'd been right, I was a wall. "Please don't be like that! Um, Jessica?" Jared tried in a vain attempt.

I just shook my head and didn't even bother to look back at him. I marched into class and took my seat. Jared wasn't more than a second behind me. It wasn't like the English teacher cared much that we were late because she hadn't even taken role yet. So I sat and endured everyone's curious stares, even Marissa's.

Through the entire class Jared tried to get my attention and truth be told, it was hard to ignore him, but I did. The teacher was saying something about nothing and I distinctly remember seeing Jared's big dark eyes smolder at me. I gripped the desk and forced my pen not to write down his name with a heart around it. No, Tanner, that's the name I should be writing. _Tanner, Tanner, Tanner._

I pictured my new boyfriend in my mind. I tried to focus on his lips and his kisses he gave me generously, but every time my dream self looked Tanner in the eye after a breathless kiss it wasn't his face I saw. It was Jared's. Ugh, he haunted me.

The whole rest of the day Jared followed me around in the hallways and I was a bit unnerved. I didn't know what was going on. All the sudden he was following me like a puppy and I was _ignoring_ him. Talk about turning the tables. I would have never imagined this scenario even in my wildest dreams.

I made a list of reason during last period about why Jared would suddenly care about me, yet he didn't know my name.

_He feels bad about knocking me over earlier and he's embarrassed about not knowing my name. (Most probable case)_

_He's finally seen my beauty and fell in love with me at first glance. (This was just to help me appease my seriously wounded ego)_

_Jared has learned I liked him and wants to make me hurt. (I. Will. Kill. Quil.)_

I studied my reasons on my list for a long time and decided that my second reason was the easiest one to cross out. The third was probably the easiest to find out and the first would actually require me to talk to Jared. Third one it was then.

So after school I caught up with Quil outside with Jacob. They both stood together huddled around looking desolate.

"Quil!" I yelled and at that he turned to me startled. Whatever the two boys were talking about, they didn't look too happy at my interruption. "I need to talk to you, _alone_."

"Oooohh!" Jacob moaned in a high pitched voice as he batted his eyelashes. At least their good humor was recovered quickly. I don't think I could reprimand a serious Quil.

"Shut up, Black." Quil muttered and rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, you see how it feels? So cut it out when Bella comes around." Jacob pointed out. "You and Embry-" He broke off and sighed. I looked at him concerned. Did he know that he stopped mid-sentence?

"Looks like I'm the only pain in your ass now." Quil murmured half-heartedly.

I looked between both of the boys, positive I was missing something, but I didn't have time to figure that one out now. I needed to find out just how loose Quil's lips were and it didn't look like Jacob was vacating the vicinity anytime soon.

"I don't want to take up much of your time, but I have to know if you've _mentioned_ some things to a certain _person._" I emphasized the key words in the sentence and Jacob looked at me weirdly like I expected. What I didn't expect was for Quil to as well.

"Kim, what are you talking about?"

I sighed impatiently and moved my head slightly in Jacob's direction motioning that I didn't want to say a few choice words like _Jared_ and _following me _together in one sentence. "Just say it; Jake's not going to say anything."

"Ugh, why has Jared all the sudden noticed me?" I spat out furiously and perched my hands against my hips.

"You think I told him to talk to you?" Quil asked in disbelief and Jacob echoed that sentiment with a low growl.

"Like we would talk to Jared." Jacob very nearly shouted out. His face was wrinkled together in fury.

"Listen, I don't know what his deal is, but I haven't spilled anything. Maybe he's finally seeing beyo-"

"Oh stop it! I wish I'd never said a thing about him seeing beyond!" I cried in exasperation. "He doesn't see anything and he never will. He's just another stupid boy."

Quil cocked his head curiously and Jacob's anger had subsided into mild incredulity. "Whoa, I've never seen you get so worked up." Jacob grinned goofily at me.

"This is what Jared does to her." Quil slung his arm around my shoulder easily and I slid from under its heavy weight instantly. "Apparently we aren't the only ones who think Jared is the bane of our existences especially after he stole Embry." Quil continued on as if I'd not moved away from him.

"No, _that_ place for _me_ is definitely reserved for Sam and someone else." Jacob snarled and I took a meek step back. His always happy face was once again scary. Quil gave him a sympathetic look.

"Ok, I'm going home then. It's been a long day."

"We'll walk you if you want." Quil offered awkwardly to me and what was even stranger was that I accepted.

Those two boys could probably lift the spirits of the Grinch. I'm not even joking, they nearly had me in stitches at the stupidest things, but it was the way they _said_ things and the way their faces contorted just right to make the joke even funnier. That was why I was grinning from ear to ear when I'd walked into my house. That was why I'd totally forgotten that I'd had millions of problems and no solutions. That was why I went and ate two helpings of my mom's dinner that night.

However, Jeff had another soccer game and as always I needed to attend. The game before Jeff's team had run little late so I ended up sitting in the bleachers with all the awful little boys around me.

"You don't _look _sixteen. Where's all your hair?" One with long shaggy hair asked me and tugged hard against my ponytail.

"Stop," I said trying to ignore them. If I did that they would just stop aggravating me, right?

"Dude, no forget the hair, what's wrong with her face?" A little boy who's hair was held in a tight ponytail at the base of his neck said and then high-fived his friend.

"Cut it out, you guys." Jeff's knuckles were white against the seats of the bleachers from his grip. He didn't look happy at all about what his friends were saying.

"She looks sick." Another team mate stuck out his tongue in disgust. I was barely keeping myself together. I really was trying to zone them all out, but it was proving to be harder than I imagined. I simply got up and walked away.

That's when I heard Jeff. "You are all assholes." I took smaller steps. I was almost sure he would come over to me. He would follow me and console me because that's what siblings do, but he didn't. He just stayed there and kept talking to those stupid taunting boys. I sighed. At least he stuck up for me a little.

That night after purging myself like I did regularly on the toilet I heard a faint knocking on my window. That was strange; I was on the second floor. I pulled back my curtains to see a dark figure loping in the shadows. What I should have done was scream, but instead I stared. Maybe it was because my head was still spinning from throwing up, but I thought that whatever this shadow was, it deserved a chance. Like everything else in life. That's when the next rock slammed against the pane and a chink formed slightly in the glass.

"Oh my bad." I heard a deep muffled voice. I knew that voice. I threw the window up.

"Jared?" I breathed out in shock and my words were true. It was him. He stepped out of the shadows looking a bit scared, but then I heard him. I heard exactly what he wanted me to hear and what he came here to say.

"Kim, thank you." We stared at each other for a long time and I tried to make out his features through the dark night. I did my best, good thing I'd already memorized his face long ago. Then I felt our odd hypnosis break and I slid my window closed as he took a step back into the brush once again.

That night I dreamed of him again. Except this time instead of it being only him with me, Tanner was always there as well hovering in the background. I didn't know what Jared's behavior meant, but I knew it wasn't good for my relationship with Tanner. I wish I knew why fate hated me so much. I knew I was going to end up hurting Tanner at the end of everything, maybe that was why I was trying so desperately to make our relationship work out.

Wait, what was I saying? All Jared had done was figure out my name. That wasn't a feat and it wasn't difficult. It was just common curtsey. So why was I already planning to dissect my motives in my relationships? I only had one, there was nothing going on between Jared and I. Nothing.


End file.
